For as long as I can remember, I used to call myself a perfectionist. Teachers loved how I paid attention to every little detail, friends would comment on how organized I was, and my family was always proud of how hard I worked. On the outside, it looked like I had it all together. But underneath? I was constantly battling anxiety, self-doubt, and the fear that I wasn’t ever going to be "enough."

People often talk about striving for perfection like it’s a good thing, like it’s something to be proud of. After all, doesn’t it lead to success? But what nobody tells you is how exhausting it is. I didn’t just want to do well—I had to be the best. Any tiny mistake felt like the end of the world. I was carrying the weight of my own impossible standards, and the anxiety that came with it was intense.

I can’t exactly pinpoint when it started, but looking back, I can see how trying to seek excellence became a way to cope. I wanted control in a world that often felt unpredictable. If I could do everything perfectly, maybe I could avoid disappointment or failure. At first, it worked. I was a straight-A student, always at the top of my class. But as time went on, the pressure to keep that up became overwhelming. By high school, I was staying up late, reworking assignments over and over, terrified of messing up. Exams weren’t just stressful—they became a nightmare because I was always thinking, "What if I fail?"

College made everything worse. I crammed my schedule with extracurriculars, internships, and volunteer work, thinking that the more I achieved, the more I’d prove my worth. But no matter what I did, it never felt like enough. I was burning out, but I didn’t see it at the time. I couldn’t sleep, I overanalyzed every conversation, and even the smallest criticism would send me into a spiral of self-doubt. Anxiety was hitting me hard—panic attacks, trouble focusing, and just feeling completely overwhelmed all the time.

The breaking point came when I was taking my USMLE Step 2 medical exam. I had studied for months, but when I sat down in front of the computer, I froze. I couldn’t remember anything. My mind went blank, and I had a full-blown anxiety attack, right there. That was the moment I realized perfectionism wasn’t helping me anymore—it was destroying me.

Admitting that this was a problem wasn’t easy. For so long, it had been my identity. being "the best" was how I found value in myself. But after hitting that wall, I knew something had to change. I started going to therapy, where I learned that my anxiety and perfectionism were deeply intertwined. My therapist along with my closest friend helped me understand that striving for perfection was an impossible task. Perfection doesn’t exist, and by chasing it, I was setting myself up for constant disappointment.

One of the hardest lessons I had to learn was how to embrace imperfection. At first, even the thought of accepting "good enough" felt like failure. But slowly, I started practicing self-compassion. I began to notice how harshly I’d been treating myself, how I never allowed room for mistakes or growth. Therapy helped me recognize the unrealistic expectations I had set and gave me tools to reframe my thinking.

Letting go of the high standards didn’t happen overnight, and it’s still something I struggle with today. But I’ve learned to catch myself when I start to fall back into old patterns. Now, when I feel that familiar urge to be flawless, I remind myself that mistakes are part of being human. I’ve learned that it’s okay to set high standards, but they don’t have to be unattainable. Progress, not perfection, is the goal.

The biggest shift came when I stopped tying my self-worth to my achievements. I realized that I am valuable not because of what I accomplish, but simply because of who I am. My anxiety still flares up from time to time, especially when I face new challenges or uncertainty, but I no longer let it control me.

Striving for precision and perfection, for all the ways it used to shape my life, is now something I view with a more critical eye. Yes, it pushed me to achieve a lot, but it also cost me my peace of mind. Finding balance between striving for excellence and accepting imperfection has been a long, ongoing process. And while I’m still learning, I’m proud of how far I’ve come. If you’ve ever felt trapped by the need to be perfect, know that you’re not alone. There’s freedom in letting go, and while it might feel scary at first, it’s also incredibly liberating. Embrace your flaws, accept your mistakes, and remember that growth happens in the messy, imperfect parts of life. That’s where the real magic lies.